Movies – Piranha 3DD Review (or “Puerile, But Not As Bad As The Critics Say”)

I’m not a big fan of horror movies as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before.

As an adult, I just don’t get how I’m supposed to be scared of something on a TV screen. What’s more, the real “fright” you get when going to a horror movie is the sudden sharp sting of incidental music you get after a period of silence rather than what you see. Indeed, what’s on screen in a horror film usually just makes me chuckle.

So most of this genre – especially the likes of Paranormal Activity – falls flat for me.

Now if what was happening was real, that’d be a different story. The other day I was watching TV in my living room and something had obviously fallen down the chimney – which is stupidly open on the outside of the house but completely closed off inside – and started to knock and scrape on the wall. That creeped me right out.

But something on TV? No.

Having said that, horror movies that don’t take themselves too seriously are ones that I can enjoy. They know they aren’t anything more than a few cheap shocks and a lot of gross-out special effects.

As such, I liked the first Piranha film. It was self-aware, funny and gruesome.

So in theory, I should enjoy the followup, Piranha 3DD (Double D of course because of all the – whey-hey – tits on display)

Piranha 3DD Review – What’s This One About?

Another batch of Piranhas attack a newly opened waterpark that targets not only the family market, but also the “Adult” market with a lap dancing pool attached, thus allowing plenty of naked women to be seen in shot.Piranha 3DD

So it’s a Lad McLad movie.

Piranha 3DD Review – Who’s In It?

David Hasselhoff plays himself, doing a special appearance as a lifeguard on the opening day of the park, while Christopher Lloyd makes another cameo as a guy who’s a bit like Dr Emmet Brown.

Beyond them, the most famous person I know is the guy who plays Todd Packer in the US Office.

Though to be fair, the “Star” of the show is Danielle Panabaker, if that means anything to you.

Oh, and there’s a fat guy who looks like ex WWE wrestler Carlito if he hit really bad times.

Piranha 3DD Review – How Highly Is It Rated?

IMDB give it a score of 3.9/10 from 20,000 votes, while Rotten Tomatoes awards it an approval rating of 13%.

I would be worried, but I remembered the high praise these sites gave The Man of Steel, so I no longer trust them.

Thoughts – Harmless Stupidity

I remember watching an episode of BBC4’s Review Show, which is advertised as being “…the place to come for intelligent and challenging conversation”. In it they did a feature on the recently released Nintendo Wii, and then came back to the panel for discussion. The first guy haughtily replied “I don’t play video games; they are not what I consider to be entertaining”, and the rest of the panel snorted with laughter like pigs in shit. And that was as far as their “Review” went.

Why do a feature on something you aren’t going to even give the time of day to? What’s the point?

So this isn’t just going to be a review that brushes over Piranha 3DD without giving it a chance. I’m not one of these prats who bases his opinion on what others have to say, nor would I expect you to form your opinion based exclusively on what I have to say. I’m just sharing my thoughts.

And in the case of this movie, my thoughts are that is was mildly entertaining.

Piranha 3DD has a simple enough plot that makes sense and is easy to follow.

It’s also quite amusing. Sure, it’s not high brow or particularly clever humour, but it’s humour that occasionally made me laugh. I would say the reason for that is because the actors aren’t playing for laughs. This isn’t – despite what one review I read said – a film made like a Wayans Brothers spoof. It’s a proper horror movie plot that just has ridiculously stupid things happening in it and lines – especially from David Hasselhoff – that I found amusing.

Part of the humour is just how obvious a setup it is. For example, there’s a scene where a girl goes swimming naked and ends up with a Piranha swimming up her “you-know-what”. Of course, that’s not made clear, but I said to my brother whilst watching it that I bet that’s what had happened. He said “They couldn’t be that crude”, but yes, they were.

A few scenes later, after she’d been complaining about stomach cramps for a while, as she’s having sex with her boyfriend, the Piranha emerges from inside her and bites the guy’s cock off. She was fine though once it was out.

Yes, this – and scenes like a decapitated bloke’s head flying through the air and landing, motorboat style, between a topless womens breasts – are crude, but sometimes if you disengage your brain, crude is fine.

Similarly, bringing back the guy whose legs were eaten off in the first film so he could exact revenge on the Piranhas by shooting them with his fake legs which are also shotguns, is so stupid that it becomes almost clever.

And the actual horror elements are no worse than you’d see in a high brow horror film. It does the basics of having some characters be killed in gruesome ways, main characters almost be killed but escape and a big death scene at the end.

The only problem with the horror  is that it’s clearly done with less of a budget before, so th0se final scenes with the piranhas attacking the pool seem to mainly be long shots of a swimming pool with red food colouring in it.

And it would have been nice if the end of the first movie – which I won’t deny was a far better film on the whole – was followed up on here. That movie finished with the revelation that we’d only seen the baby Piranhas and the adults were  ten times the size. Alas, none of them appeared here.

Piranha 3DD Review: Final Thoughts

On the whole, Piranha 3DD could be classified as being so bad that it’s good. And I think that’s what they were aiming for.

You can be put off by the low ratings, the puerile humour, the over-abundance of naked women (although I doubt the target audience would be) and the clearly smaller budget if you like, but for 90 minutes, I found it flowed, I laughed and I saw it as no more or less a comedy horror than the original Piranha or the likes of Snakes on a Plane.

No, it’s not the best film I’ll ever see, but it deserves a far higher rating than it gets, especially when you consider the sort of dross that gets those higher ratings.

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