Movies – Stitches Review

Browsing through NetFlix last night for something to watch, it randomly suggested I watch Stitches.

On the face of it, I laughed and moved on, but I asked my brother to check what it got on imdb just to see how bad it was supposed to be.

The rating it got was average – 5.7 from just under 4,000 votes – but what was interesting was that it starred British stand-up comedian Ross Noble as the lead.

So although we weren’t expecting much, with our curiosity peaked, we decided to give it a go.

Movies – Stitches Review: What’s It About?

Ross Noble stars in an Irish Horror Comedy about a rubbish and unprofessional clown who dies at the hands of a bunch of kids at a 10th Birthday Party. Years later, when the birthday boy turns 16 and holds another party, he returns from the dead to exact his revenge.


Stitches is exactly what I expected it to be…crap but amusing.Stitches

At first I thought it was just going to be crap, with the movie starting with Ross Noble’s clown having sex in a caravan while his clown costume makes comedy squeaking noises, and then moving on to him dying in the most ludicrous way possible, but once it got past that it settled down a bit.

While Noble is no doubt the lead, the story is really about the kids who had been responsible for his death and the how they were coming back together for the 16th birthday party of Tom (played by Tommy Knight from The Sarah Jane Adventures).

That in itself made for a rather average – but certainly watchable – story up until the point where Stitches makes his comeback to terrorise the party.

And then it becomes as you would expect for a film that is sort of half way between Scream and Scary Movie.

Stitches picks off each of the kids who went to the party where he died one by one  – and a cat that annoys him as well for no other reason that the comedy image of him swinging it around a room – in the most ridiculous of ways. I don’t really want to ruin it by saying how he kills them all, but when he does one in by turning his intestines into a balloon animal and then finishes him off by sticking a pump into the back of his head and blows it up like a balloon until it pops, you’ll know the sort of ballpark we’re in here.

Gory stuff doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but this wasn’t really gory at all. The blood looking like cranberry juice being randomly thrown about the set and the style of death was just so ludicrous that I can’t imagine anyone would actually find it scary.

But like I said, it gave me a chuckle, and I think that was what they were going for.

From the point of view of an overall story, the only thing that confused me for a while was whether or not Stitches was actually there or whether it was all in Tom’s mind, but it turned out he was.

And as for the acting, it was fine. The only actors I recognised were Noble and Knight, and I can’t really see many of the other ones finding much success elsewhere, but it certainly wasn’t badly performed.

So I was happy enough.

Should You Watch Stitches?

Running at only 88 minutes, Stitches is the sort of movie you’d watch with your friends when you’re stuck for something to do one night.

It’s not up to much, but it’ll give you a laugh and it won’t drag.

I don’t feel my time was wasted here, and I don’t think yours will be either.





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