Today is Hogmanay – or New Year’s Eve to anyone outside of Scotland – and that means I can look forward to a Facebook timeline full of comments like…
“2014 can do one”
“I’ve rolled with the punches and have come out the other side. Bring on 2015.”
“It’s been a great year; I’m blessed to have such amazing people in my life.”
Just drab platitudes from people who feel they need to say something about it being the end of the year. Whoopee.
And that got me thinking about the other aspects of social media behavior that annoy me, so I thought I’d compile a list.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting everything I do or say on social media is life-changingly awesome, but what I post amuses me and that’s what counts. Some people will disagree and might think I’m the most boring, unfunny or self-righteous git in the world. Chances are as well that some people will get as far as seeing this article posted on Facebook and Twitter and think “Oh not another Stuart fucking Reviews Stuff article. I hate that guy”. And that’s fine.
For me, social media is a bit of a game, whether it’s drumming up business, getting people to read your stuff or just getting as many likes/retweets as I can. Sometimes you win the game and sometimes you lose.
Anyway, here’s my list.
1. Game Invites
Speaking of games, how many of you are sick to the back teeth of receiving game invites and requests from stuff like Candy Crush Saga on Facebook? It can be intrusive and relentless, but thankfully, you can block requests from repeat offenders. Why people want to do it in the first place though, I couldn’t tell you.
2. Chain Messages
Whether it’s those ghastly bleeding heart ones about how “…most of you won’t reply to this, but I know the ones who care about me the most will” type or the more recent copy & paste ones like “Write down in one word where we met”, they are an unwelcome infestation on my timeline. In the case of the latter example, just reply to them with “Prison” or “Brothel” and that’ll shut them up.
3. People Who Post Deliberately Vague Status Updates
Urgh, these are the worst. You know the type I’m on about? The sort of message that people put up like “Change is coming” or “Can’t believe that happened”. These people post status updates without any intention of actually expanding on their point, probably just so their ‘friends’ can reply with “Awww, wots up huni?” and the like. Then the person will reply to their closer friends with “I’ll send you a text” while blanking the other people who ask what the problem is. Here’s an idea; why not just send the fucking text to the people who you wanted to know the problem in the first place?
4. People Who Post As Their Children
There’s something deeply wrong with someone who posts on social media on behalf of their own children. The most worrying examples of this are people who post a photo of their kid on their own social media page and write “I love my mummy/daddy so much”. What is to be gained from doing this? Do you feel that people need to know that your baby/toddler loves you, or do you need to know it yourself? Utterly bizarre.
5. Identical Relentless Selfies
There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures; ultimately that’s what Facebook is sorta designed for. But I don’t understand people who relentlessly post identical one. “Here is a closeup of my face in an unnatural position. You can’t see where I am or what I’m doing. It’s the same photo that you’ve seen of me every day for the last six years”. What’s the point?! And why do the friends of these people feel the need to reply to every one of them saying “Aww huni, you look amazin” etc. Obviously this is more of an issue with women than men.
Timehop has its uses, but those are almost entirely for self reminiscence. You look at your own Timehop status updates and remember them. Other people don’t care what you said this time two years ago, nor do they want to see a photo of you from six years ago either. If they didn’t care then, they don’t care now.
7. Food Selfies
There’s nothing wrong with posting the occasional photo of a meal you are proud of making or are very pleased with in a restaurant – I posted a photo of my Christmas dinner less than a week ago – but the people
who post a photo of every fucking meal don’t seem to realise how little people give a toss.
There are people out there who make it their business to try to annoy others. I said above that I consider social media to be a game, but what sort of person plays that game just to get a negative reaction or promote some daft agenda? I get one or two trolls on Twitter through my job, but I just ignore them.
Have you noticed that your timeline is infested with ‘hilarious’ memes and videos from the likes of The Lad Bible even though you don’t like them? Do you know why that is? It’s because of people who reply to these status updates with the nothing other than the name of some random friend they want to see it. That’s not what the reply function is for. If you want someone to see it, then share the link on either your or their timeline. But leave me out of it. On a similar note there are people who feel they need to tag their friends in every post they make. “Blah Blah Blah Blah…don’t you agree Stuart?” etc. There are some people who I’m not friends with on Facebook and have never met who manage to pop up on my timeline every day thanks to this.
10. Below The Line Comments on News Stories
Below the line comments are the domain of the obnoxious, stupid and ignorant. If you ever see any sort of news story posted on Facebook, just take a moment to read the replies. It’s the cesspool of humanity. No matter what the story is, there will be people out there pushing their own vile or blinkered agendas. Whether it’s some wifey rabble rousing a lynch mob to beat someone up under the guise of “Won’t somebody please think of the children” or trying to turn even the most harmless story into a debate about religion, it would be better if these people were barred from using social media forever.
Have I missed anything? Let me know!
Happy New Year folks.