One thing you’ll read people say when their team is going through a bad patch and they are in the huff is that football is fixed.
Now you could argue that the importance of finance means that the sport is no longer anything even closely resembling an even playing field, but at the same time it’s not actually pre-determined. The authorities aren’t corrupt and the referees don’t really cheat.
But imagine a situation where they were? Imagine if football was a pre-determined, scripted form of sports entertainment like wrestling is? Would that be more fun if we didn’t actually know it was faked? Maybe it would be.
At the very least, it could arguably be more fun.
Here are ten examples of wrestling storylines that could work if football was scripted.
Disclaimer: These are all fictional scenarios based upon wrestling storylines and any resemblance to anything that may or may not have happened in reality is purely coincidence.
1. The 90th Minute Heel Turn
Picture the scene; two teams are battling hard to get the winning goal in a match at the end of the season. It’s 0-0 with one minute left. The home team’s most popular player has the ball at his feet and is pushing all his teammates forward. Then suddenly he turns around and kicks the ball into his own net. And then, to make matters worse, he takes off his shirt to reveal he’s wearing the away team’s top underneath and has
actually signed a pre-contract agreement with them.
Can you imagine how angry fans would get? A license to print money for the rematch next season.
2. Twin Magic
The premise is simple. A team has two identical twins playing for them who keep swapping on and off the pitch behind the ref’s back. Pure panto. Pure entertainment.
3. The Heel Ref
Just imagine a referee who deliberately cheats players out of free kicks and penalties, sends players off for nothing, ignores perfectly good goals, openly favours one team over another and blindly ignores the fouls committed by certain players.
That’s something that’s never happened before. Ever.
4. The Invasion Storyline
So two sets of players are in the tunnel waiting to go out onto the pitch and then suddenly a team from a different league/country jump them all from behind and make their way onto the pitch instead, declaring that they have crossed the divide to take over the league.
That team then routinely does run-ins during other league matches, vandalises team buses and changing rooms and even take prize youth prospects hostage.
In the end, one team from the league stands up to them and defeats them in a Loser Leaves The League match.
5. The No Disqualification Match
There’s a deep-rooted rivalry between two teams. Matches in the past have resulted in a lot of yellow and red cards and the referees are struggling to control the players.
So to settle it once and for all, the teams agree to a No Disqualification match where fouls and offsides don’t count.
6. The Manager Changes Dugouts At Half Time
Remember when Mr Fuji turned on Demolition and went with the Powers of Pain at the 1988 Survivor Series? That could happen in a scripted football world.
Just before half time, a manager might inexplicably sub off their two best outfield players and the goalkeeper, replacing them with rubbish kids who don’t even play in those positions (and I bet nobody has EVER tried that in Football Manager…)
After those players rough the manager up a little, he ends up sitting in the away team’s dugout for the second half and plots his team’s downfall from there.
7. The Young Apprentice Storyline
At the beginning of the season, a team’s most experienced pro introduces a young starlet from the youth team into the starting lineup as his protegé. As the season develops, they form a great bond but around January they start to have a few arguments on the pitch. They patch things up each time though and shake hands, much to the crowd’s delight.
Then, at the end of season Player of the Year Awards, when the experienced pro goes up to collect his award, the youngster attacks him from behind with a chair.
The storyline is resolved in a crossbar challenge contest where the loser’s contract is torn up.
8. The Authority Angle
Imagine the governing body of a nation’s football association is run by an unpopular, clueless tyrant who seems to have no interest in giving fans what they want, makes incredible decisions under the excuse of doing what’s “Best For Business”, kowtows to the TV stations who show their product and openly favours the biggest team in the league who are seen to be protected against all sanity because they are “The Face of the Company”.
9. The Returning Legends
More Rocky than wrestling, what if a club brought a team of legends out of retirement for one last run at the Championship/Cup.
In a scripted world, they would end up getting to the final, only to lose to an up and coming team, thus passing the torch.
They would then go off into the sunset.
10. The Referees Go On Strike
Wait…that did happen!!
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