Movies – Don’t Breathe Review (or ‘Like That Episode of Arrested Development Without the Laughs’)

There are two reasons why I couldn’t take Don’t Breathe seriously.

The first is that the entire movie reminded me of that episode of Arrested Development where Tobias goes undercover, spying in the ‘blind’ lawyer’s house. Really, that’s all this movie is; it’s a bunch of youths tryingdontbreathe to evade a blind man who they are burgling. Neither is scary, but this one isn’t funny either.

The other reason is that there was a bloke sitting in my row who just kept loudly shouting “What happened” every time something major occurred in the plot. Now sure, I think he might have had learning difficulties, but I’m convinced that he also had some fantastic comic timing. At one point a character got shot, the entire cinema went deathly quiet and then he piped up again with “What happened”. Superb.

But if I was to put those issues to the side, Don’t Breathe still wouldn’t be worth praising.

Most horror movies are pretty light on substance, but this one started repeating itself after half an hour. Even though it only lasted 88 minutes, it was still a good 25 minutes too long; after all, how much plot can be extracted from a blind man walking round a house looking for burglars?

The other thing is that nobody in this movie is a good person. The blind guy is a psychopath, and any notion that we should feel sorry for him was blown away by the stuff that happens in the basement (I won’t spoil it), while the kids robbing his house are just petty criminals. They all deserve everything they get.

Really, the only aspect of the movie that deserves any credit is the direction, which at least supports the format well.

Apart from that though, it was 88 minutes of my life I could have spent doing something more productive.

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