Sometimes you go to the cinema to watch a trashy film and are entertained. They don’t all have to be deep and full of inner truth and worthiness to be enjoyable after all.
I’ve reviewed loads of films like that over the years, the most recent one being Skyscraper.
Other times though you go to a trashy film and come away from it thinking “That was just absolute shite”.
The Meg was one such film.
Principally, it was just poorly paced and badly written.
Rather than building up to a single, exciting climax like just about every other film that has copied the Jaws formula over the years, the writers of The Meg decided to build up to three.
At first it’s a story about Jason Statham rescuing his ex-wife from a big shark at the bottom of the sea, then it’s about the shark coming to the surface, and then after it gets killed another, bigger shark also happens to have come up to the surface as well.
That might sound exciting written down (although it probably doesn’t) but in execution, it had two side effects. Firstly, it meant that after each climax, there was a 10-15 minute lull where nothing interesting or exciting happened and we were back to square one, and secondly it made me resent watching it any longer.
I ended up bored and impatient for it to end.
The problems with the writing didn’t just end there though. The dialogue was full of exposition and the sort of sentences people don’t actually say in real life, the plot was predictable and it just felt like one of the most lazy, thoughtless copies of Jaws there has ever been.
Really, it was just one of those crap movies you get on low-rent channels like Movies For Men, but with a bigger budget and a recognisable cast.
I have to admit I just sat there and thought that anyone else in attendance could have written something better with a little bit more originality. Writing The Meg clearly required zero talent.
Oh, and also, considering Statham’s character is meant to be a hard drinking island layabout, he sure has hell manages to keep himself in top physical condition. Great casting…
Literally the only entertaining part of the film was the way a fat kid a few rows in front almost jumped entirely out of his seat every time something apparently scary happened.
I guess I’ll always have the memory of that.
Anyway, if you’ve read this far and part of you still wants to watch The Meg, I’ll say it again one more time…
Don’t bother, it’s shite.